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This time of year can be hard, regardless of your situation. But if you are experiencing Christmas in the NICU, it can be exceptionally difficult.
Traditions
Our son was born November 19, so we spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, and St. Patrick’s Day in the NICU. I’ll be honest: Christmas was the most emotionally challenging. Our family has a lot of Christmas traditions – driving around to look at festive lights, Christmas Eve candlelight service at church, the kids opening one gift on Christmas Eve, stockings and presents Christmas morning, and a big Christmas dinner of ham, turkey, and all the fixings.
As an add-on “bonus,” my birthday is also on Christmas, so we typically spend the late afternoon and evening celebrating my birthday with leftovers, appetizers, cake/ice cream/presents, and family games. Being in the NICU was difficult, not only because we were dealing with a fragile, sick, little guy, but because of the disruption to these family traditions.
Our Christmas in the NICU
How did we handle it? We live about 25 minutes away from our NICU, so we actually hosted Christmas at our house (which we had never done and haven’t done since). Our families took care of everything from planning and cooking the meal to figuring out our gift exchange. We spent some time “doing Christmas” and a lot of time in the NICU. Honestly, my bandwidth at that point consisted of pumping and sitting in the NICU with Jacob. While part of me longed for the traditions I love, part of me couldn’t muster up the energy to even care. And that was OK.
We put a few decorations up in Jacob’s NICU room, and there were decorations throughout the hospital. At our hospital, many organizations make donations to the NICU around the holidays. We received a Norfolk Island pine, tree ornaments, a tiny Santa hat, books, and holiday treats. These things meant a lot at a time when we weren’t really feeling the Christmas spirit. There were also donations of food for families on Christmas Eve and Christmas.
I know that our strategy isn’t possible for everyone. Maybe you live far away from your baby’s NICU. Maybe you don’t have family nearby. Maybe you didn’t even have a chance to do any Christmas prep. Maybe (probably!) everything just feels “too much.”
Encouragement for You
While I wish I had magical “how to enjoy Christmas in the NICU” advice, I do not. What I can offer you, though, is an, “I get it.” I understand how difficult it is. And overwhelming, and sad, and unsettled. You may or may not get to see your family. You may or may not get to partake of your Christmas traditions. You may or may not get a holiday meal. You probably don’t care about much of the trappings of the season as your focus is on your NICU baby.
So I encourage you to let some things go, adjust your expectations, spend time with your baby, and spend time with your family if that’s an option and something you want to do. And know that next year will be a very different Christmas. You will always remember your NICU Christmas, and it sure won’t stand out as “the best Christmas ever.” But one day, with time, I hope you can look back on it as a marker of just how far your little one has come.
Photo credit: St. Davids Womens Center of Texas